


Kiss From A Rose

by inkslinger_outlaw



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Asexual Character, M/M, Sadstuck, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 13:56:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1607594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkslinger_outlaw/pseuds/inkslinger_outlaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing is ever like it is in the movies. And let me tell you, that sucks dick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss From A Rose

**Author's Note:**

> If you say don't like Kiss From A Rose you're a goddamn liar.

Sweat makes my red tank top stick to my chest and back unpleasantly. Honestly, it grosses me right the fuck out. Sweat and me have never gotten along. Not much you can do in the sweltering Texas heat with broken AC, though. It shouldn’t even be this fucking hot today even! It’s the beginning of February, goddamn. I just slump onto my desk, cheek pressed against the semi-cool balsa wood. I takes a moment to scratch at my soul patch. What, it’s ironic. Shut up.

“Fuckin’ fucked up climate. Fuck…” My bangs are plastered to my forehead by this point and I just let out a sigh. “Where the hell’s Bro with that ice-cream?” About two seconds pass before I let out a frustrated groan. “Fuuuuuck-ahh!” Something rectangular and frozen hits me right in the chest, making me topple myself and the chair over. “Oof!” I rub the back of my head and look up at my Bro, standing over me and smirking.

“Gotta pay better attention than that, kid. Liable to wind up dead with that kind of concentration.” His gloved hand is stretched out and I grudgingly take it, letting myself be pulled off of the floor.

“Death By Dairy. Has a nice ring to it.” I smile with teeth and Bro just musses up my wet hair with his gloved hand. He makes a face when he feels the sweat on his fingers. I watch his lips stretch into a grimace, then quickly look away again. Watching his lips is nothing new to me. Hell, just watching him isn’t new, but it is frustrating beyond anything else.

“Kid.” I glance up at him slightly, my height almost matching his now. “You alright in there? Bein’ all quiet today.” I swear it’s like he can read my mind sometimes.

“…Yeah, Bro. I’m good. Just tired I guess. Senior year is just kind of shoving it’s dry dick up my ass is all.” He laughs good naturedly and gestures towards the living room.

“C’mon. We’ll watch Toddlers And Tiaras or some shit. Don’t forget your ice-cream.” He slams my door shut when he leaves and I almost scramble to follow. ‘Jesus fuck damnit. Fucking lips. Fucking muscles. Fuck you, Bro. God I’m fucked up.’ I grumble as I right my chair fix the shades sliding down my nose.

This weird as hell, fucked up crush I have on my brother isn’t new either. It’s been around since I turned about fourteen. And I keep thinking, keep hoping, that it’ll disappear with time. Honestly, though? It’s just gotten stronger. Every time I look at him I think about what it would be like to kiss him. Or hold his hand. How it would be to have his strong arms wrapped around me during the night…

I’m fucking sick. He’s my brother. Practically my dad! How do you even begin to deal with something like this? The answer is you don’t. You ignore it for the rest of your life to never be brought to anyone ever. Ever. I would rather die than tell anyone about this. I’d probably just fucking kill myself if Bro ever found out. The embarrassment and disgust would be too much to handle. Bro would probably beat the shit out of me. Or kick me out. He might even never speak to me again… No, I couldn’t ever even chance that. I’m gonna ignore this thing for the rest of my life. I’ll shove it so far into the back of my mind that I won’t even remember it was ever there eventually.

I nod to myself and take a deep breath before heading out to face Bro once more.

We watch Toddlers And Tiaras for like three hours and get half-way through our individual gallons of ice-cream. I’m so sleepy that I don’t even think about it when I rest my head on his shoulder. My eyes shut of their own volition as he wraps a heavy arm around my shoulders. In my tired haze, I almost pretend it’s not in an exactly platonic way.

The next thing I know it’s light in the living room and I can smell bacon frying. I check my phone only to see that it’s 8:39 in the morning. I grimace, then notice the date. ‘Oh… That’s right. It’s V-Day. Shit.’ I press my face back into the futon before letting out a sigh. Every year Bro and I ‘celebrate’ it together. We watch terrible rom-coms and buy each other gaudy presents. It’s ridiculous. This year is Bro’s turn to cook breakfast. Jesus, I hope I don’t end up flipping my shit today.

I shuffle into the warm kitchen and smile gently as I watch Bro cook over the stove. He has on some hideous neon pink apron covered in roses. Speaking of roses… I look at the center of the table. A whole bouquet of them sit in a vase in the center of the table. There’s a card attached to one of the stems pronouncing in bold letters, ‘DAVE’. I reach for it, and notice Bro try to do the whole ‘looking-but-not-looking’ thing out of the corner of his eye. That instantly has me on edge. I open up the small, matchbook sized card.

‘Dave,

You’re the only

person I would want to

spend this day with. I

love you,

-Bro’

I try not to, but… My eyes sting behind my sunglasses as I stare down at the unoffending card. I can‘t find the angle. Nothing to indicate a joke of any kind. He means it, just… As cliché as it sounds, not in the way I want. It breaks my heart all over again. I blink, then keep my eyes clenched shut. It doesn’t stop the tears from squeezing past my lashes.

“Alright, ‘Lil Man, breakfast’s ready!” I let out a sob and immediately cover my mouth. There‘s a long pause and my heart pounds. I hear a clink of something being set down. I can feel Bro loom right next to me. This new sob is muffled as he lays his hand on my shoulder. I can feel his hand shake. He’s confused and distressed. I don’t blame him. Here I am just bursting into sobs like some depressed teenager in a John Green book or some shit. I’m supposed to a goddamn adult now. Goddamnit!

I try and shrug his shoulder off while standing at the same time. He pushes me back down into my seat and puts his arms around me. I turn my head into his chest and cry like a little bitch. He doesn’t say anything, probably because he has no idea what to say. I’m eventually able to get myself under control. My face feels puffy and my head is pounding.

“…Ok,” he starts, “What the hell, Dave? Are you having relationship problems or somethin’ ?” I shake my head and stare at the small scratches and stains on the plastic tabletop. He huffs and rubs the back of my neck. “What’s up with you lately? You’re all quiet and shit. Avoidin’ me when you can. I don’t get it. Are you pissed at me? Are you depressed? I can’t just keep guessin’ at this shit. You gotta talk to me.”

My voice is shaky when I mumble out, “I can’t.” I can feel his head nod against me.

“Alright… You’re obviously scared.” I don’t even deny it. “Is it something you think I’ll get mad over.”

“…Yeah.” He sighs and starts rubbing my back. I wish he would stop touching me. It fucking hurts.

“Well, there’s only a couple of this that could be.” My heart starts pounding again. “You either hurt someone else, hurt yourself, or hurt me. And you haven’t hurt me, so it’s one or both of the other options.” I just lay my head down on the table. “Not gonna say anything?” I bother giving him a half a shrug. “Right. So, I don’t think you hurt yourself… At least, I really, really fucking hope you didn’t. I haven’t seen any scars that weren’t from strifing and you’re not in the hospital. You have a fight with one of your friends?”

I can’t tell him. I won’t tell him. I’ll lie through my teeth.

“Yeah,” I answer. “Had a fight with Karkat. He was bein’ a dick and I told him off. Now he’s all pissed at me. That’s what’s been up.” He’s quiet again. That definitely doesn’t help my nervousness. And as all of my bad luck would have it, he sees the small card clutched in my hand.

“Dave, is it because of what I wrote?” I know what he’s thinking. He thinks I’m upset because I don’t get to hear him say he loves me a lot of the time. Which is fine, actually. I get it, you know? He’s just not comfortable saying it.

“’Course not. Why would it upset me?” I glance at him and see him scowling.

“I don’t even know. That’s why I’m askin’ you brat.” ‘Brat. And this is exactly why I can’t tell him. Not only is it fucked up and liable to ruin our relationship forever, he just sees me as his stupid adult-kid brother.’ “Is it because I don’t always say it? Is that why you’re suddenly a mess?” ‘Suddenly? Ha. Fuck you, Bro.’

“Yeah. That’s why. It’s nice to hear it other than on stupid-as-fuck holidays and shit.” Bro stand abruptly, fists clenched.

“You’re a terrible liar, kid.” ‘Been able to fool you for years. I think you’re opinion is really south of right, right now. Hah.’

“Then why do you keep askin’! I obviously don’t wanna talk about it.” He tugs at his hair in frustration and I finally pick my head up off of the table. “Why do you even wanna know so bad?”

“Because you’re my brother! You’re my responsibility. I care about you, Dave. I love you, for fuck’s sake! I don’t like seein’ you all fucked up.” ‘I’m such a sick freak. I can always just kill myself if he kicks me out I guess. What am I doing? I shouldn’t even say anything.’ I decide to take the plunge despite my inner terror. Holding this shit in even after five years is crushing me down.

“You’ll kick me out,” I warn. “You’ll kick me out and hate me forever.” His eyebrows raise above his sunglasses and he unclenches his fists.

“What the fuck, kid. I wouldn’t kick you out. Never.” I just run a hand through my hair, cheeks flaring up in embarrassment.

“You will. I already know it. It’s fucked up.” His voice is very soft when he speaks next.

“Dave… is this because you’re gay? Because, I’m Bi. You should already know I don’t give a shit. I mean, I won’t kick you out.”

“How- You know what. I don’t even care. Guess I’m outta the closet,” I grumble.

“Sorry,” He says it with a small smile, completely not sorry. I just roll my eyes.

“That isn’t what it’s about, though…” That actually seems to throw him off a little.

“Oh. Well, what, are you a serial killer or something? I’ll be honest, Dave. I’m getting’ a little bored with this stalling shit.”

I can’t help it. I snap at him. “Well this ain’t easy for me you asshole!”

We stare each other down. It feels like an eternity before either of us speaks again.

“I love you ,you puppet fucking idiot.” I can already tell he doesn’t understand. His brow is furrowed and his head is tilted to the side a little.

“What?” My cheeks and neck and ears feel like they’re on fire. I walk right up to him until our toes touch. “Dave? What the fuck?” I breathe deeply, then tilt my head up. I find myself placing a sweaty hand on the side of his neck as I press my lips to his.

It’s awkward, to say the least. I don’t dare move and Bro is doing an A+ impression of a marble statue right now. Eventually my neck starts to ache and I step back. My skin is still flushed and I stare right at his shades. I have no clue what’s even going to happen next.

Bro opens his mouth and I swear to god I’m going to have a heart attack. “I… Yeah, I can see why you’d flip you’re shit over this.” I let out a shaky breath and fiddle with my hair. “I gotta say, of all the things I was expecting? This wasn’t even on the list. Shit…” I almost knock my shades off of my face while trying to cover my eyes.

“Yeah, well. If fucking up were an Olympic sport I’d have a solid gold medal.”

“How long have you had a… crush on me.” I grimace and shove my hands into my pockets.

“Don’t say it that way.” I jerk my head to the side to get my bangs out of my face. “It’s been a few years.”

“A few years,Dave? Holy shit.” My body goes tense and I can feel myself getting pissed off beyond reason.

“Shut up! You think I wanted this? Fuck you! I didn’t want this. I feel sick inside every time I think about you. I’m fucked up, Bro. I’m sick and wrong and I’m sorry. What do you want from me? You think I haven’t tried to forget that I have feelings for you?” He makes a face. “I know! You don’t have to make faces! God! Do you realize how much I even hate myself over this? How much I’ve wanted to die.” His nostrils flare and his eyebrows lower. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you think I was just fucking fine with wanting to have a romantic relationship with my brother. My brother who’s practically my goddamn dad. I may be fucked up, but I recognize how sick I am at least.”

Bro says nothing and I have nothing left to say. I’m floored the next time he speaks.

“Is this some kind of...” He gestures to the open air. “Kink you have or something?” I clench my fists so hard I can feel my nails dig into my skin.

“No! God you’re such an asshole!”

“What! It’s a legitimate question, kid!”

“I love you, you son of a bitch! Jesus! It ain’t about sex. I ain’t interested in sex! It’s about being attracted to you and your looks and your personality despite you being such a douche. Fuck. I know you have a hard time understanding the concept ’asexual’ since you like to screw everything that breathes in your direction!” Fortunately, he doesn’t try to open his mouth again. He just stares at me behind his shades, holding a posture of defeat. “So, I should start packing up my shit then?”

“Shut up,” he growls. “I ain’t kickin’ you out. Just cause you… Well, it ain’t gonna make me kick you out. You’re still my family and Striders take care of each other.”

I shake my head and readjust my shades. “You know what? I was content to ignore this non-issue for the rest of my life, but then you had to push me. Now everything’s gonna change and be awkward and I never wanted that. So thanks.” His lips press into a line.

“…You ain’t gonna do anything stupid, are you?” I roll my eyes and turn my head to the side.

“No, probably not. I’m going to forget this ever happened and go play Grand Theft Auto. You should do the same. We shouldn’t talk about this. Ever.” He gives a very subtle nod and I turn on my heel, walking straight back to my room and slamming the door.

‘Fuck fuck FUCK! Why’d that have to happen! Why’d I say anything at all? Holy shit I’m the biggest idiot who ever existed, it’s me.’ I throw myself down on my bed and cover myself with my comforter, pulling it right over my head. ‘I dunno’ what I even expected… There was no way he was ever going to love me back. Jesus shit. I’d give anything to turn back the clock.’

Unfortunately for me, this isn’t ‘The Royal Tenenbaums‘. I don’t have a distant asshole father to give me non-advice or reassure me. There’s no Margot to my Richie. Margot took the other path and rejected me and went on to snort coke with Eli or whatever.

I’ll just have to secretly be in love together by myself and leave it at that.

**Author's Note:**

> I amost want to make this into a series, but for now I guess it's just going to be a one-shot.


End file.
